Thursday, January 24, 2013

New Normal

So yesterday I had a follow-up appointment with my caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon.  Of course the appointment wouldn't really officially begin until the nurse's assistant took my blood pressure, told me it was high and asked if I was feeling ok.  UGH, the white coat syndrome...I (pretty consistently) have elevated blood pressure in the doctor's office.   I told her it was her fault and then she left me alone (after she checked it one more time).  

And then I got changed and waited for the doctor....only the next person to come in wasn't the doctor, it was a medical student or intern, who, unfortunately, still has soooo much to learn.  I saw her before and was less than impressed then as well.  Not only does she struggle to understand what I say to her, she certainly lacks all that my surgeon encompasses.  Luckily for me, he came in shortly after and all was well in the world again.  

Basically this appointment was supposed to be a follow up to an MRI appointment I should have had in December.  I now have the reinforcement I needed to know that I have to be in charge otherwise the ball will be dropped.  The MRI is a "routine" test that I will have every year, and then, 6 months after that, I will have a mammogram.   

I have to admit, going to the doctor's yesterday was not fun.  It sort of knocked me down a few pegs.  I have been doing well, trying to get my groove back and carry on as a Big C survivor rather than a Big C patient.  Yesterday's visit felt much like someone getting in my face reminding me of what the past year has entailed.  "Oh, hey you, you found a lump, and had breast cancer, remember?"  Although I'm not in denial about the events of the past year, I do enjoy pushing them to the back of my mind (even though they rarely get there).  Yesterday's appointment highlighted them like a neon sign.  But, it's all part of the process in finding my new normal.

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. 
Albert Camus 

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