Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Surrendering to what is....

I've been sitting in front of my computer for 15 minutes unable to know what to write. But, it's been a while, so I thought I should do my best to say something. 

I spent today at appointments getting my 12 week scans. Although everything has been going well, and things seem to be moving in the right direction, I have been quite anxious since last week when I realized I had scans this week. This diagnosis is unpredictable and with that comes excessive worry when it's time to see what's going on.

I saw something recently that I'm trying to cling to. It was an article talking about the future of metastatic breast cancer and the hopes of it becoming a chronic disease versus a terminal one. Chronic just sounds so much better, doesn't it? I also recently heard of a woman who has had MBC for 35 years, something else I can cling to.

This morning I posted this on Facebook. 

"Today we head to Boston for my "routine" day of scans. I could use some prayers and positive energy. One could say I'm a bit anxious. I'll get the results on Thursday." 

The response was overwhelming, so many comments, words of encouragement and pure love. I'm grateful for all of it. 

It's been 9 months since the dreaded phone call from my oncologist, but this all still seems so new, so fresh and still so scary. I'm working on surrendering to what is, letting go of what was and having faith in what will be, thus the reminders I give myself. It would be so much easier to go back to my previous life, but since that is not an option, surrender to my current life is what I must do. I certainly don't have it all figured out and sometimes it's quite the struggle to carry on without worry and anticipation about what's to come. I am scared, but I know I am not alone. I'm thankful for those who push me along, even on the days when I seem to be crawling.

And, to end this post with hope and faith, here are some pictures from our Easter. 

This guy...   He is my ROCK! Without a doubt I could not do it without him. xo

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