It's been a while since I have connected with my blog readers. So today seems like a good day to do so.
It's hard to believe our Little Miss just celebrated her tenth birthday. She's pretty fantastic, creative, sensitive, intuitive and overall beautiful. We feel blessed each and every day to have her as part of our family. And then there's E who is now officially a teenager...UGH! He too, is full of great qualities and is growing more mature each day.
Having two children with recent birthdays definitely makes me extra sensitive. Singing "Happy Birthday" just brings the reality of my illness to the core and I can't help but work extra hard to have faith that I'll have many more celebrations to be a part of.
It's not always easy to be Little Miss or E these days. The Momma they have currently has her own challenges and struggles in life and it is certainly not the same one they had in their younger years. She lacks energy and drive and relies on others to keep her and her family afloat. Just as it's hard for me to depend on others to help me; I know it's difficult for my children to do the same.
I'm asked on a regular basis how I am doing. I generally pause and say, I'm doing ok at the moment. Then there are times when I'm not feeling great at all and I say "I'm not doing so great." The not so great days may consist of small seizures which are body parts going numb for short periods of time or very blurry vision. This is not too alarming to the brain doctor, but for me it's disturbing. I become unsteady, somewhat panicked and unsettled. For the past week I've also felt a bit nauseous and bloated.
I share this with you because I want you to be comfortable checking in with how I'm doing. I also want you to be ok with the response I give. I want you to have faith but not sympathy for me. My entire family is learning on a a daily basis, maybe not how we'd like to, but we are a stronger as individuals and as a family because of this miserable yuck.
I was finding myself answering with I'm doing fine or I'm doing ok....and after a while, it wasn't making sense because that wasn't entirely true. Now you may even get some "I feel like shit" some days. I'm not going to try present myself as something I'm not. I'm a human with Metastatic Cancer. Some days I have energy to go for walks and play games with my kids and some days I'm barely able to rise up from the couch.