Today I had a rough morning emotionally. It's hard to tell exactly what sends me in that direction but I think a perfect storm was generated because of needing more sleep, having a hard time eating, having multiple appointments scheduled in the same week, chemotherapy side effects and various other daily stressors that happen in everyday life.
I am surrounded by people daily who encourage me, say I'm strong and tell me I can do it and are doing it, but today, I didn't feel like I was doing anything except lots of crying, complaining, wallowing and having moments filled with anxiety. I felt weak and defeated, quite a distance away from feeling strong.
My BFFSS (BFF Soul Sister) assured me that I WAS doing it because having bad days is part of it...it has to be, otherwise how is this yuck being processed? She's a smart one. It's certainly true that I need to drag myself through the muck of this disease, wallow, fall down and sometimes crash. It's just not fun and it's not how I want to spend most of my days.
So, about midday, I dragged myself out of the ditch, with some help, brushed myself off and carried on. Perhaps that is where the strength comes in.
I have to constantly remind myself that the important piece of all this is that I get back up When I am not quite strong enough to give myself this reminder, others step in and help me. I am blessed with abundant encouragement.
Tomorrow will be my third doctor's appointment of the week. In the future, I will be trying my best to avoid multiple visits to a medical facility in one week. It's just too much. I do not have the emotional stamina to deal with this Big C junk and tell about my daily triumphs and struggles to more than one medical professional per week.
I'd like to live with the majority of my time feeling as "normal" as possible. I realize that fighting these intruders is my new full-time job, but I prefer to work from home most of the time.
One of my sweet friends posted this on Facebook today. She has no idea how much I needed it. xo