Like many other things in life, the process of open adoption evolves. It's impossible to predict its outcome, but, like everything else, it has its own stages of development. Perhaps we can imagine the ideal situation and try to pave the path, but where it ends up is not solely left up to us.
No two adoptions are the same because no two people are the same. The experiences and feelings of those involved are unique. I've learned to embrace all of it and see how beautiful it can be.
I wasn't always in a place where I understood the beauty to be found in open adoption. I couldn't imagine myself ever engaging in such a situation. Thankfully, I listened to others' experiences, educated myself and put aside my "fears". Where we come from is a gift. All of us have a right to experience all parts of who we are, even if sometimes it's hard or messy or not what we're instinctively comfortable with.
Little Miss and E are old enough now to express their own feelings and this past mother's day, our Little Miss did just that by initiating a visit with her birth mom. And to her delight, her birth mom graciously accepted. A couple of weeks ago, she came to visit Little Miss. They spent time swinging on swings, making rings on the rainbow loom, reading books and chatting.
It's hard to express through words what such a visit does to my heart, but I think these pictures tell the story beautifully.
(I have permission to share.)
"Children thirst to hear where they came from...
they need to know that they were desired,
that their birth was a wonder, and that they were always
the object of love and care." -Marcelle Clements
"The greatest experience, the one which shakes a soul with hopes and fears, the results of which are never ending, and incidentally, the one which pays the biggest dividends, is to be found in the adoption of children."-Anonymous
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;
loving someone deeply gives you courage."-Lao-Tzu
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."-An Ancient Chinese Belief
"Adoption carries the added dimension of connection not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitutes love, ties, and family. It is a larger embrace." -Isabella Rossellini
We learned where Little Miss gets her love of sunbathing, pickles, pasta and cheese. We know why she is so scared of fireworks and where she gets that space between her two front teeth.
I'm so very grateful for this beautiful, priceless gift for our sweet little girl, a gift she could really only receive from the brave woman who chose us to be the parents to the daughter she gave birth to.
"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart."-Marcus Aurelius