Fridays are usually my favorite days, but today, not so much. At 1:40pm this afternoon, I'm scheduled for stereotatic radiation. Basically, it's a precise radiation procedure to specifically target the two spots on my brain that are not stable. Although this is a routine and "simple" procedure for the radiation oncologist, for me, as the patient, it's quite intense and intimidating. I'll be happy when it's done and even happier when they confirm it worked. Last week I went in to have my mask made...I had visions of the movie Silence of the Lambs, right down to the part where I had to bite down on a piece of it so my mouth remains still during the procedure.
Sometimes the yuck takes over my day and I can't help but focus on the way it's messed up things. Questions and concerns from my two loves tend to rip at my heartstrings the most, but we are all doing the best we can and helping one another to get through the hard moments.
The Big C doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Every day is a challenge, some days more than others, but I'm still very much alive. I have learned to consciously choose to focus on things that are not part of the yuck...I'd rather not be defined solely by the big C because I'm more than that.
I'm still able to be a momma, show creativity, have conversations, and go for walks. I have a soul that yearns to feel at peace, love others, laugh and feel loved.
Cancer can go screw itself because I refuse to let it overtake my life. It doesn't deserve that much attention. The biggest payback I can give it is to find happiness in the everyday and LIVE.
Good luck today. I'll be thinking of you! Xo
Hi Linda. You don't know me but I learned about you from your Aunt Mel, my yoga teacher. We all did a Leap for Linda one day at the beach last summer and I've been following your blog and thinking of you ever since. I think of you each week at Mel's class on the beach and I want you to know that you are in my prayers and in my heart. I think of you often and send you love, strength and continued courage. Thank you for sharing all you do through your blog posts and photographs. Know that you have more people than you even realize praying for you and your family. Sending love, hugs and prayers, Ellen
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