Post Chemo...

 So, days 1, 2, and 3, not so bad....day 4...YUCK!  Not an awful yuck, but just yuck..achy, tired, blahs.  If this is the worst of it, I'll take it.  

But, instead of talking about that, here are some pictures of Little Miss in all her glory.  Yesterday, during the glorious weather we had, I gave her this "pinkalicious" outfit that I bought online and took her outside for some pictures for her birthday invites.  There was no prompting involved....

"Of all the minor creatures of mythology, fairies are the most beautiful, the most numerous, the most memorable."

-Andrew Lang

Embracing....

The day before my first cleansing, my mom's cousin dropped off a bag of handmade hats....lots of them, in every color a girl could ever want or need.  Little Miss and I went right to work trying them on and Mom even had some cute flowers to embellish them.  I can't say I'm excited about being hairless, but having these to wear may lessen the angst of it all.  Thank you Jeanne, for taking the time to knit all these beautiful hats for me.  I know they will get so much use by both myself and Little Miss.

Today, I'm embracing the moment, the kindness of others, the love that surrounds me and I'm linking up with Emily today over at The Anderson Crew because it's embrace the camera day. 

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.”

-Lao Tzu

Phase 2...

Phase 2 of this journey started yesterday and pretty much went off without a hitch.  It did take 5 tries to get the IV in, but other than that, smooth sailing.  It looks like I'll be getting a port put in before my next cycle; I'd prefer not to have the anxiety of getting stuck with a needle repeatedly.  Besides, I have the opportunity to see my caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon again.  Maybe I'll finally be brave enough to ask him for a photo with me.

Today, I'm grateful:

-for my completely supportive husband who is my rock when I need him most, especially on days like yesterday xo

-for a relatively uneventful first infusion of my cleansing medication

-for my BFF that consistently checks in on me to see how I'm doing, sees me at my worst and my best and loves me anyway

-for ALL our wonderful friends and family who are providing delicious healthy meals for us, continuous support, and most importantly a circle of love and strength

-for the doctors and nurses that are invested in making me well and keeping me healthy

-for my parents who are essential in keeping life "normal" for Little Miss and E and are here in a moment's notice for ANYTHING, most importantly with their unconditional love and faith telling me confidently that I am going to kick this to the curb...whoop, whoop! 

-for my two beautiful kids, my biggest motivation to get this job done!

"No one who achieves success does so without the help of others.  The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude."

Alfred North Whitehead

Alone...

How can one be surrounded by so many loving and caring people and still sometimes feel alone?  Well, the truth is, although I have a crew behind me that is big enough to operate a cruise ship, there are things that I must do alone.  I must (as my aunt eloquently puts it) put on my big girl panties and do it.  There are things in this journey that I must experience "alone"...the body scans, the blood tests, the results, the medicine, the scars, the discomfort, the iv, the emotions, the side effects....Do I have tremendous support? Are others "experiencing" these things right along side of me?  Absolutely!  There is no doubt I would not be in such a good place emotionally if I did not have such an overwhelming feeling of being loved, supported and surrounded by a circle of strength.  It is then that I change my state of being "alone" to the "navigator" of the ship...the one who must lead the crew, but also call upon them so that the path being traveled is made less lonely.

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

-Helen Keller

Navigating...

Some definitions of navigate are:

 to make one's way over or through

to operate or control the course of 

to steer a course through a medium

Exactly how one navigates through their life differs and may change with various circumstances and situations.  With each experience, the navigation is adjusted and made more "efficient" for the next course.  Sometimes there are unforeseen obstacles and it is then even more difficult to navigate.  

My very dear friend recently noted that it must be difficult for me to navigate in this situation with so many loving and caring people wanting to reach out, help and do anything they can to make this course of my life less difficult.  It is the perfect analogy...although I'm not sure that I am the perfect captain to navigate. Unfortunately, here I am in charge of a journey for which I have no experience.   I have and will make mistakes and choices that may not always be best, but, I've never done this before...I'm an amateur to this course. Some days I'm just floating along waiting to see where it takes me.   

Each of you are on this voyage along side of me and I consider you to be my crew.  You are all so important to me and fulfill a unique role in this journey.  I hope you all know the value you have in my life and I want to be sure I do not ever take that for granted.  I am so very blessed to have a abundance of love and support and never can there be too much of it.  Each and every card, text message, note, meal, visit, phone call, prayer, thought, and word of encouragement has been important and appreciated.  I now have an entire wall of my bedroom covered in over 100 cards and each one of them motivates me to get myself out of bed, grab the biggest bat or sword I can find and beat the Big C to the ground.  My heart is full.  How can I not navigate successfully through these rough seas with such a crew behind me?

So thank you all for choosing to come along on this long journey with me, to stick with me during the rough seas and to help take over the navigation when I get a bit lost. XO

Newport, RI July 2011

The best way to navigate through life is to give up all of our controls.Gerald Jampolsky

A Birthday and a Bat...

A quick post for Dr. Seuss' birthday..

Did you know?

Theodor Seuss Geisel's  first book was rejected by 27 publishers, he never had children of his own, he was known to have a bit of a foul mouth and he wrote under two other pen names besides Dr. Seuss?  

-Theo. LeSieg and Rosetta Stone  

I often wondered who this Theo guy was that was ripping off 

Dr. Seuss' style of writing and illustration...duh!  You can find more interesting facts about Dr. Seuss here.

During this past week, I had three people send this Dr. Seuss quote to me.  It's definitely one worth sharing. 

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” 

-Dr. Seuss

Now I'm off  to get myself the biggest bat I can find.

Happy 108th Birthday Dr. Seuss and 

Happy Weekend to all of you!

14 days...

My cleansing starts on Tuesday...sounds better than chemo don't you think?  I'm trying to use that strategy to help with my relaxation during this process.  We met with a nurse today for the chemo talk; I actually felt better after our chat.  Obviously, she is good at her job, because who can say they feel better after a chemo talk?

Approximately 14 days after starting my cleanse, my hair will fall out; the time is near.  I will "officially" become a cancer patient-I'm thinking that is when it will finally sink in for me.  When I look in the mirror and see my hairless head, they'll be no denying it.


On a side note:  When I was cleaning Little Miss' room yesterday, I put her kerchief on my head covering all my hair.  Not really all that bad with the eyebrows-please, please can i just keep my eyebrows?

I was able to select a pair of earrings at my appointment because I'm going to lose my hair...well worth it, don't you think?

Seriously, it is very thoughtful that someone donates their time to make the earrings for the center.  I was actually really excited to pick these out.  

When I was checking out today, the receptionist knew me by name...not a good sign.  And as I was sitting there, I saw my  caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon.  He came over to say hello and ask how I was doing...need I say more?

Finally to wrap up my morning, I went for a tour of the chemo ward...bleck!  I think I need to liven that place up-it was pretty drab!  Maybe my new earrings will add some sparkle.

I'm going bald. I'm having a major problem with it.Gedde Watanabe

I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair.Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.Navjot Singh Sidhu