Monday, December 3, 2012

Thoughts on Adoption....

Sometimes I have trouble keeping my mouth shut (no comments from the peanut gallery please).  The other day I saw a story on TV and I was literally yelling at the screen.  It was about two young brothers, 10 and 11 years old.  Their parents died unexpectedly when they were little.  The 11 year old ended up living with his grandmother and the 10 year old was adopted.  The two boys met each other (through a twist of fate) this past summer and were reunited for the first time since they were babies.  The thing that struck me about this story was that the reporter said "Isaac, the 10 year old, did not know he was adopted."  WHAT?  This is the year 2012 and we are still neglecting to tell our children where they come from?  I was annoyed...  Annoyed that it was mentioned by the reporter so nonchalantly and not addressed any further (why even mention it in the story?) and annoyed with the mother for not being open and honest with her child.  Perhaps she was scared or was protecting her child.  I understand that she probably had the right intentions, but I just do not get it...

It is your children's right to know who they are and where they come from; it should not be kept from them.  It makes them who they are.  I understand that sometimes their story may be tainted by difficulty, but it's still their story and they have the right to it.  By keeping information from them, isn't that indicating that they should be embarrassed or ashamed?  And if and when they do find out, how will they ever trust you again?  

As an adoptive mother,  I have been given an indescribable gift and knowing where my children come from and being able to share that with them is part of that gift.   One of my favorite quotes from James Gritter's book, The Spirit of Open Adoption is "In the absence of information, fantasy abounds."  It's so true...for everything...when there is no information, we concoct things in our heads and there is no limit to what we could imagine and create.  Given all the information, our children are able take it in, process it and move forward without having all the "what ifs" floating around.

I'm always shocked when people ask me if my children know they are adopted.  For us it's like asking if they know what color eyes they have.  Of course they do, why wouldn't they?  It's is part of who they are and I do not have the authority to take that away from them, nor would I choose to. 


"Children thirst to hear where they came from...
they need to know that they were desired, that their birth was a wonder, and that they were always the object of love and care."
-Marcelle Clements

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written, you are so right and your children are so loved!

Linda said...

Thank you!

chenlina said...

chenlina20151130
michael kors handbags
ralph lauren outlet
soccer shoes
p90x
true religion outlet
ugg australia
air force 1
oakley sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
oakley sunglasses cheap
adidas superstars
ugg boots
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet online
cheap toms
cheap ugg boots
louis vuitton purses
tiffany and co
michael kors handbags
hollister
jordan retro
jordan 11s
jordan 11
marc jacobs handbags
coach outlet store online
louis vuitton handbags
north face outlet
louis vuitton
oakley sunglasses
uggs outlet
coach outlet
michael kors outlet stores
michael kors outlet
oakley outlet
michael kors uk
the north face uk
coach outlet store online
fitflops sale clearance
hollister co
as

Gege Dai said...

longchamp pliage
swarovski crystal
burberry sunglasses on sale
tiffany jewelry
prada outlet online
kate spade handbags
true religion jeans
nike free 5.0
ray ban sunglasses sale
christian louboutin shoes
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors outlet online
toms outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
longchamp outlet
ray ban sunglasses
ralph lauren uk
mulberry handbags
adidas shoes
mulberry outlet
rolex watches for sale
fitflops shoes
burberry outlet online
lululemon outlet
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors handbags clearance
coach outlet
tiffany and co jewelry
michael kors outlet
longchamp outlet
coach outlet store
ray-ban sunglasses
nike air max 90
ray-ban sunglasses
beats by dr dre
16.6.11qqqqqing

Gege Dai said...

michael kors outlet online
coach outlet store
michael kors outlet
uggs clearance
hollister clothing
converse shoes sale
oakley sunglasses wholesale
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
ugg boots uk
reebok outlet store
puma outlet
ferragamo shoes
fitflops outlet
mulberry outlet
ralph lauren
adidas trainers
ray ban sunglasses sale
canada goose jackets
giuseppe zanotti outlet
mlb jerseys
nike huarache
coach outlet store
pandora jewelry
oakley sunglasses
lebron shoes
police sunglasses
kobe bryants shoes
louboutin pas cher
air jordan 11
uggs outlet
mulberry handbags
tiffany jewelry
beats by dr dre
czq20160812

Fangyaya said...

timberland boots
giuseppe zanotti sandals
louis vuitton outlet
mont blanc pens cheap
uggs outlet
burberry outlet
true religion sale
michael kors outlet clearance
longchamp sac
coach factory outlet
ugg boots sale
timberland boots
christian louboutin outlet
canada goose jackets
canada goose coats
ugg canada
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
true religion jeans
toms shoes outlet
polo outlet
abercrombie and fitch
uggs sale
adidas ultra boost
uggs for women
michael kors outlet
nike roshe run
ralph lauren outlet
toms shoes
chenyingying2016826

郑佳颖 said...

cheap jordan shoes
cheap nfl jerseys china
cheap jordans
nike air force
pandora bracelet
tory burch shoes
adidas nmd
air max 95
fitflops
michael kors handbags

eric yao said...

Louis Vuitton Michael Kors Outlet North Face Outlet North Face Outlet Timberland Outlet Moncler Outlet Coach Factory Ray Ban Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes

jeje said...

kobe byrant shoes
longchamp
vans shoes
air jordan 12
converse shoes
jordan shoes
links of london
longchamps
kobe basketball shoes
yeezy boost 350