I've wanted to sit down and write a post for several days, but, honestly I don't know what to say, so we will see where this takes me. A couple of weeks ago I went to the OBGYN's office for a test and 30 minutes later, I left there contemplating whether or not I was going to have a hysterectomy. Although I wasn't really shocked by the recommendation, I'm not sure I was prepared for it. I went there by myself and had to swallow hard a few times to fight back the tears. By the time I reached the car and called Vic, I had lost it. I'm just tired of "stuff" and really, another $%&a;*# surgery?!
Breast cancer and ovarian cancer are linked and the Tamoxifen I am on for five years post chemo can cause hormonal changes. While there is nothing emergent about my situation, the doctor feels that it's best to take out all the worry and frequent testing by removing all my girl parts. I agree. My girl parts have pretty much caused me grief for some time now, so I think it will be a relief to rid myself of the worry and fear that something is brewing down there, that something is wrong.
Why do you all need to know this? You don't. Part of the reason I write this blog is because it's therapeutic for me, it helps me to see things more clearly and process my everyday life. I also hope that by opening myself up, it can allow others to open up as well, to see that we all have "stuff". There are trials, but we can get through them, even sometimes when we feel like we're crawling. We should be able to cheer one another on and pick each other up when we fall, sometimes flat on our faces.
Tonight I will shower once again with Hibiclens and tomorrow at 10:00 am, I'll be headed to the hospital for yet another surgery. Today I'm choosing to look at the situation with gratitude because if I didn't, I wouldn't be headed in the right direction.
-I am grateful that this surgery is a precautionary measure and that there is nothing really wrong.
-I am grateful that I am healthy (a word I often struggle to use) and able to endure another surgery.
-I am grateful for the overwhelming support of my family and friends.
-I am grateful for the confidence and expertise of the medical professionals operating on me.
-I am grateful that I have access to healthcare that can provide the best care to me.