Motherhood...

I entered a Motherhood essay contest on a blog .  I wasn't selected, but I figured I'd share here.  You can read the selected essays here.  Bring your tissues though, some are heart wrenching.  

Motherhood for me isn’t now what it once was, nor will it be in the future what it is today.  It does, however, consistently cause me to be filled with a humbling appreciation for the opportunity to hold the title of Momma.   

About 12 years ago, we tried desperately to have a baby. It seemed everyone I saw and came into contact with was pregnant. Everywhere I went, I would see pregnant bellies. I would stare longingly at them and it was as if they had eyes and were staring back at me. I had "baby belly" envy...big time!!!  All these women were experiencing motherhood in a way that I would never know and I mourned for the opportunity I would never have to feel my babies kick me from the inside out.  Two selfless young couples healed the hurt when they trusted me to be the Mommy to their babies and I am blessed and grateful to have the best job in the world, being Momma to my E and Little Miss.  I indeed was supposed to be a mother, but not to babies I would grow in my belly.  My babies grew in my heart.  They are my babies, I am their momma, we are a family and we love each other beyond words.  Now the “kicks” I get from the outside certainly make up for the ones I never got from the inside.

Motherhood is a fabulous combination of giving baths, doing laundry, making mud pies and giving an endless supply of kisses and hugs.  But it is oh so much more.  I have always truly believed that children live by the example that we as mothers set. This became much more significant to me in December when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It seems easy to say that we should teach our children faith, hope, love, determination and perseverance, but to be the concrete example of this seems like an overwhelming task…a task that, at times, can be difficult and much easier to abandon all together.   This certainly would not be one of my chosen roles as their mother, yet, in some respects, it may be the finest lesson I am given the opportunity to teach my children.   When they are faced with adversity and difference, perhaps they will have the strength and courage to carry-on.  When they see others in need, perhaps they will be compassionate and giving.  When they see despair and hurt, perhaps they will show love.   And when they are in need, may they see this as an opportunity to hold onto hope, faith and the love and support of others.

So, I suppose there is a common theme with this whole motherhood gig.  There is the constant opportunity to engage in the lives of our children, whether it is to play a game of hopscotch or to show them how to kick cancer’s sorry butt.  We are our childrens’ first teachers, a humbling opportunity to help them experience all that life has to offer.


Happy Mother's Day to all moms, especially mine who still is my first teacher.  You have taught me so much and I continue to learn from you.  I love you to the moon and back mom! xo


Here is a recent "squinty eye" photo of the two of us.