Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Walking through with battle wounds...

As of today, I have 9 radiation treatments left.  As soon as I started bragging about how great my skin was doing, I started getting'd think I would have learned by this point just to keep my mouth shut.  My skin is mostly irritated under my arm and the doctor has encouraged me to walk with my fist/hand on my hip to lessen the irritation from friction.  So, if you see me standing there looking like I have an attitude, it's merely an attempt to ease the redness under my arm.  

Onto other things.   Today I had a follow up with my caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon.  However, I only spoke with him for a couple of minutes because he sent someone else in.  She examined me and said everything was fine...yay, we like fine!  When she couldn't answer some of my questions, in he came.  Both doctors commented on how I was almost finished with treatment and I responded jokingly (kind of) how I would like to continue to visit and have someone examine me on a weekly basis ;)  "It's going to be a challenge to move on", said me.  To which my caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon responded with "Well, moving on indicates that you will just go on and forget about it, but really, you need to walk through it, and you need to figure out how you are going to do that."  

Yes, I do, and I will.  Really, I've trudged through the serious muck already, so this should be a piece of cake, right?  The thing is my life is different now and it really will never be as it was before the itch.  I have scars, both physically and emotionally.  Those scars will most certainly always be there, but they are a symbol, not that I had cancer, but that I survived it.  The scars are survival wounds from a battle, a battle fought and won.  

Initially I would not have imagined getting through this muck, but I did, just as I will walk through the next phase of my life, whatever that may be.  Life somehow has become sweeter after scraping the mud off my boots for the past 10 months.  I'm ready to take it on and take it all in for what it is.  Sometimes I may need someone to hold me up,  but I'm coming and I'm going to choose to walk through it.  

I think scars are like battle wounds - beautiful, in a way. They show what you've been through and how strong you are for coming out of it. 
Demi Lovato 

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