Thursday, November 28, 2013

Walking through it...

It's 11:00pm on Thanksgiving night and as I reflect on the day filled with my family and all the things I love the most, I can't help but be grateful for all my many blessings. It's been almost 2 years since the Big C rudely invited itself into my life and honestly, at that time, I wasn't sure what the future held.    Today, and everyday, I am so grateful for my health and the everyday moments that make life so very sweet. 

With November coming to an end, and December literally days away, my nerves are starting...this Tuesday I'm scheduled for surgery, surgery to help reconstruct what the Big C demolished.  It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I haven't talked about this upcoming event too much; I think that has been my coping mechanism.  When I talk about it, I tend to get worked up and even more nervous and then the nerves turn into tears; it's not pleasant, for anyone. I've decided to just carry on with life and when Tuesday comes, I'll be where I have to be and just do it.  I will walk through it, just like I have before.  I think I also avoid talking about it because I'm not sure how others will react and perhaps I'm avoiding any unwelcome comments that may surface... 

Yes, I've elected to have this surgery, it's my choice and my choice alone...I guess that's the tough part.  Who wants to be the sole decision maker in anything?  It's stressful!  

It's now fall, the cold weather is here and it's a lot easier to feel confident and comfortable with layers of clothes to cover up what the Big C stole from me. I question, do I really want to do this?  And then I think back to the summertime and the warmer weather, and I am reminded of the days when it was hard and annoying.   The everyday routine was often frustrating and  sometimes even brought me to tears. I plan on living a long life and it just seems to make so much sense to just do it. 

The physical rebuilding from the surgery will help to rebuild some of the emotional garbage that comes along with being a breast cancer survivor. For me, this is what I need to do.  I realize some may question my decision and for others faced with the same choice, perhaps you may not choose to take the same road.  I get it. 

I do know, however, that most people are and will be completely supportive and love me through this, just as they have before.  That is why I can do this; I have a support system and a team the size of an army cheering for me.  

The best way out is always through. - Robert Frost

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