Tuesday, June 2, 2015

A different kind of fight...

This past Saturday was the fourth Relay for Life event I have participated in since my Big C diagnosis in December, 2011. Team Bosom Buddies, started by my oldest brother, has now raised over $75,000. Our team is remarkably strong and supportive. Together we are making a difference in the fight. 

The Relay events have several activities, including a walk by the survivors and caregivers to start the night, music, and a luminaria ceremony just to name a few. 

Although it's been over two years since I've completed the treatments for breast cancer, I continue to work through things every day. One may assume that it came, I kicked its butt, and now I'm over it, but, really, it's not all that easy. 

These feelings and fears that I struggle with everyday became quite evident at this year's event when a young man told his story about his mom.  He started the story and it began the same as mine. I gulped a big lump in my throat and both my children suddenly paid close attention because they too could relate. The story was detailed and it ended with the biggest fear I work through daily.  His mom passed away after the Big C returned to her body ten years after she fought it off for the first time.

He gave a heartfelt and meaningful speech, but it was so hard for us.  My children were specifically affected by his words.  The beginning of his story was very much like their story and the latter part was certainly something that caused panic and concern with them and with myself. It actually caused an immediate panic and full-blown sadness with me. It was not exactly a comfortable situation, but my feelings were the real deal...

It was convenient to be walking since that generally is my coping mechanism through the stress and thankfully my family and friends were present and pulled me through.

 I did a few laps exhibiting the ugly cry and managed somehow to get over it and move on. I imagine I'm not alone because there are other survivors who must also experience similar fears. We feel blessed to have kicked the Big C's sorry a@$, but we also can't help but be overtaken sometimes by the fear that it will barge into our lives once more.

Although I am not fighting the Big C in the same way I once was, I am in a different kind a fight, one which is about moving on with my life as a survivor, facing the fears of the unknown, and also rejoicing in the gift of each day. 

Yesterday I heard this song for the first time.  It's my new favorite.


"Starting right now I'll be strong."
-Rachel Platten

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