Tuesday, June 30, 2015

More hard stuff..

Really, I need to come up with a better post title.  The hard stuff thing is yucky and I'd like to move away from it sometimes.

The other day I sat at a doctor's office and read my description on the computer.
"Linda is a 42 year old pleasant woman with metastatic breast cancer..."
something about seeing it in writing...
That being said, at least they thought I was pleasant :) 

Right now I'm taking one day, well, literally, one minute at a time. I'm going to the initial appointments with my entourage and trying to digest all this insanity. Truthfully, they are doing it for me. Many times, I leave the appointment and they finish digesting and asking questions.  Sometimes, it's just too much for me to even comprehend. My emotions overcome me. I walk the hallways to decompress. Saying I'm grateful to have a personal entourage is not even close to the reality I feel.

The idea is to get all this information and have a plan to start shrinking this S%#@!

Three weeks ago, life was normal. Tonight I think about the fact that I have one day left of brain radiation to stop the madness going on in my head,I'm deciding when to have my hair buzzed because my hair is falling out in volumes, and I anticipate the rest of my appointments for the week. I felt bad for myself tonight for sure. 

Later this week I anticipate having a biopsy to confirm the specific kind of breast cancer (Yes, this is still breast cancer; it's now moved beyond my breast).
This MC is not a curable cancer (at this time anyway).  It is chronic, however it can be stopped and there are several avenues of hope. I plan on doing this with 100% of who I am, certainly not my initial life plan, but now my full-time job!!! 
A story like mine is definitely one I used to avoid; it would scare the pants off me. Now it scares the pants off me and it's all my story..what the heck? Talk about having to face my fears! There was 15% chance it could happen to me, 85% chance it would not. I did what I could to lessen that percent even more because I ate healthy, walked daily, tried not to create too much stress, blah, blah, blah. Hmmmmm, it's frustrating to say the least and causes me to say multiple f-bombs on a daily basis. It's absolutely surreal for sure and I apologize to those of you now freaking out because of my diagnosis...I get it; believe me! However, I plan on showing you all that you can still survive and live your life! I allow myself to get angry, but try hard not to get stuck there because I need to whip some butt!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the continued daily prayers, words of encouragement and just the outpouring of love...I feel it.

#5 inspiration: (please keep them coming)
I have a friend who was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer stage 4 shortly after her son was born...he just finished kindergarten and his mom is amazing. She has 3 children and sometimes I think she really is superwoman. I know her for almost 5 years before I even knew she had cancer. She frequently did fund raisers for different cancer foundations, but I never realized she was a survivor and patient. There are good days and bad, but we all have those. 

And today's comic relief thanks to Ron:

"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?"

"It gets toad away."


Unknown said...

You truly are a fighter Linda, everyone is praying for you & your family of loved ones. Please continue trying to keep your positivity going as I can only imagine how very difficult it is to maintain. Xo

Jeanne said...
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Jeanne said...

You can do this Lin! Find the good, you're lucky to have such a devoted entourage. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I think God must be saying, "You again?" It's ok though, I'm hoping he says, "Ok, Ok, I get it. Give her a break." Love you lots. xoxo