I realized today that it's important for me to share and clear up a few things. We all know that a lack of information can precipitate all sorts of stuff, some of which may not necessarily be accurate, pleasant or encouraging.
Yes, I have metastatic breast cancer, meaning it is now in other parts of my body, including my brain, lungs, and back...YIKES! I know what you're thinking...sounds grim...
and yes, the news is not exactly easy to listen to, but guess what, as bad as it sounds, it is not an automatic death sentence. I have been to several doctors and not one has told me to "put my things in order". They, instead, have offered hope and treatment options. Once beginning these options and adjusting to a new normal, life can go on and that is indeed every intention I have for myself.
In fact, life is going on now. Today, I made breakfast, got my kiddos ready for camp, wrapped presents with my Little Miss, Mom and I took her to a birthday party for 4 hours at the park and I tucked my E in bed about a dozen times (he's having trouble sleeping tonight). No, I'm not feeling like myself and stuff is going on, but I'm functioning. I'm not laid up in a hospital bed dwindling away...try to wipe that image out of your minds...not planning on that at all.
I currently have no hair from radiation, my face is swollen from steroids, my skin is kind of a mess...I'm looking like a BIG C patient, but I'm doing ok.
Today I am thankful for small victories, including that it was confirmed today that the Big C is indeed the same breast cancer I had before..this was based on a bronchoscopy biopsy I had last week. This is good news...treating breast cancer in those areas is easier than treating other types of cancers, and they know how to treat it. The results of my early morning spine MRI on Monday also confirmed that I have nothing growing in my spine...yay for that too! Two pieces of good news.
The brain radiation I had
should is still working on shrinking those monsters in my brain and soon I hope to start some meds to shrink the rest of the spots in my body.
This is certainly no easy task, I can spend days analyzing, and trying to figure it all out. It's useless! It helps with no part of it. I'm choosing now to take one moment at a time, swallowing that bit of information and taking it from there. For me, that is truly the only way for me to move forward. I like to get things done and getting "stuck" interferes with that. Believe me, I spend some time each day wallowing and then I stop, pick myself up (or someone else does), and I move forward.
The Love I feel each and everyday is helping me move forward. Those of you asking how you can help are already doing so. Every text, every note, every comment, every post, every hug, every card, every gift sent, and every leap (that's a whole other post for tomorrow) moves me forward. Feeling this loved is amazing...a silver lining to this whole situation for sure. Most days, the love I feel is what brings me to tears; I'm so very grateful.
#7 inspiration: Someone told me the other day that a person she knows was diagnosed with breast cancer in her brain 20 years ago...she's still around.
And Ron's latest contribution:
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ― Oscar Wilde