Sunday, January 31, 2016

Moments instead of milestones...

Four years ago, on this date, I had my mastectomy surgery to "rid" my body of the Big C. For the past three years it was a milestone for me because I was considered to be cancer free. With each passing year, I felt a little more reassured that it would not reappear. Mid June of this past year I obviously discovered I was wrong. Not only did it reappear, it seems it may not have been completely gone in the first place and has made a beastly return, attacking me physically and emotionally. The Big C and all it brought with it has changed me, and upon its return, it has continued to trigger my metamorphosis.

I can come up with quite a lengthy list of the negative changes, like surgeries, scars, and side effects of chemotherapy, but who wants to listen to that. Instead, I will mention, again, the ways that the Big C has done me some good. (Now that just sounds ridiculous, but it is true.) It has revealed some things that I may have otherwise never seen. 

It has made evident the loving people I have in my life who continue to shower daily blessings upon me. 

I know now that I am more of a fighter than I ever thought I could be. 

I'm more grateful for the everyday, mundane moments in my life. 

I am a positive person because that is how I was parents are two of the most positive, faith-filled people I know. 

My brothers are sensitive humans like me. 

My BFF soul sister is truly like no other (I did know that already though). 

I'm more appreciative of the everyday moments with my children, even if it's during a battle to do math homework. 

And, I'm more in love with my husband and it continues to grow deeper on a daily basis.  

Of course I'm still a work in progress, like all of us, and I continue to try to improve.

I try not to get caught up in the trivial things, like dirty clothes on the floor, messy rooms, or...math homework.

I try to have more faith and not freak out with every twinge of something going on in my body. One of my doctors said to me, "You can actually have some things that happen not due to the cancer." Good point. A headache could just be a headache, not specifically due to the yuck in my brain. I'm still trying to do my best to find the peace.

I try not to look back and think about how my life could be without this just makes it all that more difficult to move forward. 

So, perhaps milestones tend to be too big to focus on, so I will choose to seek the moments instead. I will hike this mountain one step at a time and see where it takes me. 

Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments.

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