Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Envy...

"He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind."
Buddha

Although I believe this to be true, I must admit that I have, at certain times, been envious of others. Mentally it isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but if I am being completely honest with myself, I have to confess that envy has been present at certain times in my life, now being one of them.

About 12 years ago, when we tried and tried to have a baby and couldn't, it seemed everyone I saw and came into contact with was pregnant. Everywhere I went, I would see pregnant bellies. I would stare longingly at them and it was as if they had eyes and were staring back at me. I had "baby belly" envy...big time!!! It was hard for me to look past the moment and see the something bigger that was the plan for my life. I indeed was supposed to be a mother, but not to babies I would grow in my belly. My babies grew in my heart. They are my babies, I am their momma, we are a family and we love each other beyond words.










And now, well, you can imagine what I see all day and night....yes people, cleavage! It's everywhere...especially on television...I mean really. I imagine that most men had noticed this phenomenon quite some time ago, but now it is glaringly obvious to me as well. I guess you could say I'm suffering from a bit of "cleavage envy". Not that I was ever one to feel confident enough to let it all hang out, but still it was there, at least for me to know. Now, not so much. Apparently, once again, there is a different plan...one that is not so clear at this moment, but will hopefully help me continue to evolve emotionally through this process and indeed, obtain peace of mind. (I'll spare you the photos to go along with this portion of my post...just turn on your television :)


"The question is not really whether or not you go on, but rather how are you going to enjoy it."
-Robert Thurman

10 comments:

Shannon said...

Oh Lin..You are beyond brave and even more beautiful now than ever..xox

Beth said...

My father used to always say, "I envy no man." I have tried to live by that, but it's not easy. You continue to amaze me with your strength! Love you! xoxo

Susie said...

I'm reading your blogs as fast as I can....needed to catch up because I never knew that one of the most inspiring people I could ever come across passes by me in my whirlwind of day to day activity! Now that I am caught up with your blogs (it only took a few days of reading for a few hours) I can't let a night pass without "A Better Dream" fix. So many intense thoughts and feelings flood me....I think of writing back, but my words could never do your blog justice! Just know that you have touched me and now I can't let go.....you are truly amazing. I appreciate your transparency and I, like many, many others, are taking the journey with you.....remember you can fight anything when you travel in packs!!!!

Linda said...

Thank You for your kind comments...they all mean so much!

Susie said...

ok so I envy you for your courage, sincerity, and your gift of putting into elegant verbiage those thoughts and feelings that most can manage to articulate only in a very incomplete and clumpsy way. I envy you because you are transpiring from an awesome person to one that has embraced new challenges with hope, optimism, and a perspective that will carry you through your journey. How, after traveling this path, can ANYONE say they are not envious of YOU! So, how does it feel to be on the other side of envy?

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