Again, I am probably about to share too much information, but what the heck....I mean really, I've already talked about cleavage envy...how much worse can it really be? Let me apologize now if I offend anyone.
Two weeks ago today, I had a mastectomy. As part of this surgery, the surgeon inserts a drain to take care of excess fluid that the body automatically sends to the wound. The fluid drains into a "bulb" and the fluid is measured on a daily basis. Within a couple of weeks, as the fluid diminishes, the drain is removed. Why am I disclosing all this information? My point is coming, bear with me...
Today as I got into my BFF's car after dropping Little Miss off at preschool, I felt that lovely, unmistakable sensation I get from a leaky drain. Although I carefully applied my gauze and medical tape prior to leaving the house, I leaked through. Because we were already running late for Avo's funeral, I didn't want to turn around to go back home. We made a stop at Rite Aid and quickly grabbed medical scissors, tape, gauze and alcohol (the kind you use to disinfect).
Upon getting to the register, the lovely cashier said, "Whoa, looks like you girls are performing surgery."
"No, the surgery already happened."
"Well, geez, I hope that person is ok."
Oh she's ok lady, she's standing right in front of you!
Although I was tempted to inform the "funny" cashier that I was the patient, I chose not to waste any more time with chit chat and took it as a compliment. I am able to easily blend into society with baggy shirts, scarves, and a small little pillow insert :) in my camisole.
That's the thing with the Big C. I look fine, I feel fine. How is it possible that these deadly cells have been lurking inside of me? ...and why, if I feel good right now and the cancer has been surgically removed from my body, must I go through treatments full of yucky side effects?
As adults it's hard to process the circumstances and for children, even more so. I catch my kids staring at me and I'm guessing they're wondering why I don't look sick. Soon enough I will look sick. I will have the undeniable trademark of being an official cancer patient....a bald head, something not so easily hidden from the outside world. This part of the process is hard. The anticipation of how I am going to feel, what I am going to look like and how my kids are going to handle the entire situation is like a persistent broken record in my brain. I do know one thing...that it will all be ok in the end. This does, for a brief moment, make it a bit easier.
For now, I'm embracing the fact that I can go on with day to day activities in virtually a typical manner without the outside world having any knowledge about my "leak".
“We must have infinite faith in each other. If we have not, we must never let it leak out that we have not.”
PS If I see any of you in the near future, please refrain from telling any "leaky" jokes; I probably won't find them amusing.