Upon waking up after surgery, my first thought was "Thank you God! I am ok, I survived the surgery...woo hoo! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Now that the initial woo hoo is gone, I'm still feeling quite grateful to have conquered this first hurdle. The alien blob is gone; I don't have to wonder how much it is growing on a daily basis or if it is traveling through the rest of my body...it's gone....GOODBYE! However, the still surreal reality that cancer has intruded in my life is now visible...I have a scar across part of my chest so I am not allowed to ignore this fact. I accidentally peeked at my new reminder during my hospital stay and was pleasantly surprised to discover that I was not traumatized by the event. It's ok really...and the surgeon, well, he did a good job, and for that I am also grateful.
To say I'm not bothered by my new outward appearance would not really be entirely accurate. It's hard and painful emotionally, but I think I dealt with most of those emotions before my surgery and this has helped with the healing process. I'm healing well, I'm in little pain and I'm doing ok...what more can I ask for right now?
Let's face it...this cancer thing is a big pain in the &%$! You no sooner feel like you've reached the top of the mountain and then you look up and see miles more to climb. Wednesday we'll know more specifically how high this mountain actually stands...let's hope it's not too tall.
Right now I just get through each day by living one moment at a time...there is really no other way.
"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."--Albert Einstein