Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Today is the first day...

As a little kid, I used to sit in my Aunt Sue's car and stare at a sticker on the dashboard that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."  I also remember a little yellow chick on the dash with google eyes.  Right now I can't remember if the chick had the quote or if they were two separate things, but anyway... 
....I remember reading that quote over and over and over and I just could not (as a child) really figure out what it was trying to say.  I was confused by it, so much so that I still remember it vividly over 30 years later (and I don't remember much of anything prior to what I ate last night for dinner).  I guess I knew that someday it would make complete sense to me...I would just have to read it repeatedly and remember it, until it did.  

I have never felt like I have taken the blessings in my life for granted.  Really, I have often wondered why I was so blessed to live my life and have even verbalized a few times that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Surely there would be some cross for me to bear as it can't really all be this good? (Open mouth, insert foot). 

 When reflecting, I am able to see that there indeed have been some times and circumstances that have been challenging and difficult, but also life changing.  In the end, my life is better and more complete because of them.  Infertility and miscarriages were part of the traveled road to the adoption of my children. Where I started out in my journey to have children is certainly not where I ended up, but in a million years, I would not change a thing.   "Sometimes on the way to a dream we get lost and find a better one."  The pain and anguish during that journey is such a distant memory because the new dream is just so much sweeter.

And this journey, well, I'm going to count this as the other shoe dropping, and will be sure never to verbalize that again.  

Each time I visit the doctor's office, I'm intrigued by this poster that hangs on the wall.
I think it describes the process perfectly.  Starting out on this journey feels much like that of a caterpillar, crawling along minding it's own business and blending in with those around it. 
Life then becomes much more complicated as the caterpillar begins to transform and morph into something not so subtle or discrete.  The caterpillar is "forced" to do things for which it is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. The transformation is both physical and emotional. It is a complicated process, but, in the end, emerges a butterfly, completely transformed and able to do things it was unable to do as a meek, quiet caterpillar.  

 My journey is a long one with ups and downs, but in the end I'm certain my life will be sweeter, and in many ways it already is. I understand that the journey to being a butterfly does not happen overnight, that the journey is part of the process and that all will be beautiful in the end.  I  have my family and friends serving as my cocoon.  I'm learning to look at things one moment at a time, even though the planner in me would like to have it all done right now at the snap of my fingers.  I'm learning to be patient with the process and enjoy the journey along the way.  

After all, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life."  I CAN choose what to do with it, and right now, I'm choosing to live each moment for what it is without looking any further.

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